Bookish Penguin's Monday Fives

I got this idea from a blog that I've been reading which can be found here and thought I'd give it a shot too.  I'm not sure that it'll always be Mondays that I'll be able to do this, but I'm going to figure out a day each week that I can address this, since I think it's important to take a few moments to think about what you're grateful for and what you want the next block of time to accomplish so you're not just floating through life.

Five Things I'm Grateful For:

1. My husband.  He's my lifeline.  I couldn't do anything without his support and unconditional love.  I know that things have been incredibly difficult (almost all the time) since we met - one trying obstacle after another - but we've managed to get through so far, and we'll continue to do so because we've got "it".  We were talking the other night about this mysterious "it" that some couples have - you know, the thing that makes them glow and just seem to be a cohesive unit (without sacrificing their individuality).  It's that variable that makes the difference between the couples who make it and those that don't, made up of (but not limited to) good communication, respect of boundaries, a "safe haven" mentality, and trust.
2. My mother.  While the rest of my friends and family have been incredibly important to me as well, my mom's really been the go-to for me.  From the freak-out calls where she couldn't decipher any words through the tears, to the belly pictures and minutia in between, she's always there for me whenever I need her... and despite our rocky history, I really value this newfound relationship.
3. Having a job.  I'm not going to lie - my job stresses me out... and more often than not, in ways that it shouldn't.  There are days when I love it, and days when going to lunch is the only thing that gets me through the day, but I'm so grateful to 1) have a job - for the income it's producing, the skills I'm learning, and the brainpower it requires and 2) to have such understanding employers.  They've been very lenient with me since I started here as life threw me one curve ball after another, and this has made it comforting to go to work, especially during the toughest parts.
4. The life growing inside me.  After losing my first child, I never thought I'd get over it.  People always asked if we were going to try again or if we were too broken up and were taking it as a sign that it wasn't meant to be.  Not having kids was never an option for us, so we started trying again right away.  I was (and still am) surprised every day by the blessing we received by 1) getting pregnant, 2) getting pregnant that quickly, and 3) having such few complications.  This is the little boy we've always dreamed of, and I can't wait for him to get here!
5. Rediscovering passions.  After being in such a fog for the last 6 months+, it's nice to start feeling like "me" again (albeit a blimpier version) and re-visiting the venues that help define me.  It's been like starting new as my fresh outlook colors everything in my daily life - and it's amazing to have my eyes opened to it again.

Four Things I Can't Stop Thinking About:

1. How much longer (or how little longer, depending on the day) I have until our little Peanut comes along.  Some days it feels like the time is dragging on and December will never get here... and then other days, I'm wondering how in the world I'm going to get everything done in time.  And I know thinking about it at all is ridiculous because he's going to come whenever he feels like it, and whatever is done, is done, and what's not, isn't - and that's just the way it's going to be.
2. The drama going on with children in our lives.  As I've briefly mentioned to some, we're going through a custody situation with the girls' mom - and while I'm 99.999999% sure it's unnecessary and that our living situation will not change, it's putting a lot of undue stress on us and is taking up time that should be devoted elsewhere.
3. Money! It's always tight for me, and unfortunately there's not much way around that (I can cut some corners, but I'm not willing to completely give up any luxury for myself, though most I have already). I'm terrified about what it's going to look like once Peanut gets here, and it plagues my daily thoughts. I'm sure we're going to be just fine, but it's still hard to think about.
4. Our house has become very cluttered recently.  When I moved in, I encouraged Nate to bring his gaming into the living room so he can be more comfortable and take advantage of the big TV.  Then, we moved another TV into the living room, and set up a second gaming station so that either Alyssa or I can play with him. So now, we've got 2 TVs, 2 Wiis, 2 PS3s, 2 computers, a printer, the wireless router stuff, the cable box, a PS2, plus all the games/movies that we're currently interested in, and folding lawn chairs to get us up close and personal. So I want to invert our living room and give us a little (illusion of) space and find a way to de-clutter the area... but with 2 stations, it's a little difficult to find a solution.  While I would never consider myself to be a "tidy" person, there does come a point where clutter stresses me out - and I'm at the point where I need to do something about it (call it nesting, if you'd like).

Three Things I Want to Accomplish This Week:

1. Seeing my weight gain as a positive thing.  After being so self-conscious about my weight my entire life, it's really hard for me to watch the numbers on the scale creeping upwards and embrace it.  At this point, I've put on about 12 pounds, which is just barely in the bottom section of the recommended weight gain target, but that's still a tough number for me to handle.  I just have to remember (and consciously accept) that I need the extra weight for baby and there will be plenty of time after he's here to stress about getting the weight back off!
2. Accurate meal planning. I usually try to plan meal options ahead of time to give us a little variety, but with the girls being back, I'm making it a point to try to cook more often, which necessitates actually having all the ingredients (I have about a dozen options right now that are missing one ingredient each). So I plan to think it out a little better so I can stop running to the store (and ultimately buying more than I need) every night of the week!
3. Outline a bill pay system to finish paying off the medical bills from January and/or make sure that they're taken care of before Peanut comes along. The bills are quite outrageous (especially the hospital bill) and I've been slowly chipping away at them. Now that we've gotten my engagement ring paid off, it's encouraged me to get the rest of them taken care of quicker so that we can have that extra money to start working on our "nest egg" and/or use it to pay down other things (like the last little bit of the car and making a dent in the mortgage).

Two Things I Am Working to Be Positive About:

1. Trusting that things are going to turn out alright. Whether relating to baby, finances, relationships, work, etc. I just need to start really knowing that things are going to be alright.
2. This one's a little harder to admit, but I really want to get back the the mental place where I look forward to one-on-one (or two-on-one as it may be) time with the girls. It's been very tense since they got back from Florida and it frustrates me when they mope around all the time, discouraging me from wanting to take them in public while they act like this. It's really hampering our relationship because it means that we aren't partaking in the fun activities that we used to (girls $1 movie nights, trips to the farmer's market, co-grocery shopping trips, craftiness, planting - and killing - flowers, etc) and it means that we're all cooped up in the house, being lazy instead - which is something I'm trying to avoid anyways! I'm not 100% sure where I'll start this week, but I'm going to be more positive about this alone time to institute bonding and attempt to make up for lost ground. Really I am.

One Random Thing:

1. Next weekend (Labor Day weekend), Nate's friend Steve is coming to visit and bringing his wife and three kids. This is the first social visit we've had (aside from our immediate families) since we've been together that will take place at the house. I've never met Steve - who has been a really great friend of Nate's forever - nor had to interact with any wives to date. We're a bit reclusive as a family, so this is a big accomplishment. Now I have to do laundry, clean the bathrooms, sweep/dust/mop/vacuum, have the girls sufficiently organize their room/bathroom/game room, plan meals for people I don't know (including 3 small children), and make it all look effortless. At least we finally got the lawn mowed and bushes trimmed!