Some Non-Baby Stuff for a Change...

The further I get into this pregnancy, I realize that I'm getting further from the death of my daughter - which in turn causes all kinds of emotional roller coastering... but I'm glad to say that it's starting to get easier to handle the loss, and I'm starting to feel like "me" again.  That being said, I've started thinking about the things that I used to love to do (pre-Nate especially, since that marks the most recent turning point in my life) and I'm trying to get back to some of that.

1. I love to read.  Nate bought me a Kindle for Christmas last year so that once the baby was born, I'd be able to continue reading (since we found that too much time without a book - good, bad, or otherwise - led to psycho-Kristi) without having to leave the house.  He's been diligently getting me gift certificates for it so that I always have funds to purchase my stress-relief.
2. I love to cook.  While I would never claim to be fantastic at it, I seem to hold my own (afterall, I didn't starve when I moved off campus, did I?).  I love to take a recipe and modify it to my very particular desires and experiment with different tastes, textures, etc.  That being said, Nate and I have talked on a couple occasions about opening a catering business, but it's still just in the "hmm.... what do you think about this?" stage.  A lot of my friends/family/acquaintances are doing the cake/cupcake/baking ordeal, and while I could dip into that with the experience from my mom's cake business, I'd rather do meals.  I want to spend time making substance for the belly and the soul (and oh, how some of my favorites are "comfort foods").
3. I love babies.  Luckily, I'm pregnant again and will soon have a little man of my own to love and cherish and I can stop cooing over (or at least reduce the amount of time I spend) random strangers' babies.
4. I love music.  I used to play in various bands/ensembles, but haven't recently.  I thought about my poor clarinet sitting in storage and it broke my heart... so I went out and bought new reeds and sheet music and decided I was going to start playing again... but I forgot that I've never taken a lesson in my life.  While I love music, I'm not particularly good at sight reading and I learn best by hearing/seeing it and repeating.  So that lasted about two practice sessions.  However, I've always wanted to learn to play guitar... and I'm married to an incredible guitarist... so Nate is (very patiently) teaching me some bits and pieces on guitar.  It's a bit of a slow practice since I'm passing out most nights when he gets home, but we've gotten down a few chords and the basics of a couple recognizable melodies (mostly Guns 'N Roses) and he's got me strumming along - albeit clumsily - with him while he plays his new AMAZING Les Paul Standard :)  So in essence, I'm getting to spend more of our valuable "down" time with him while learning to play guitar and embracing one of his biggest passions - talk about couple bonding!!
5. I love to write.  It started out with short stories many many years ago and transitioned into poetry/prose when I was in college, but I haven't REALLY written anything in quite some time.  I had hoped that starting a blog would help - and to a degree it has - but it's not quite the same... mostly because I'm not too diligent about it.  I want to start chronicalling the mundane, the daily ins and outs (which I've been inspired to do since I've read a lot of random blogs since becoming pregnant).  I don't know if this will ever translate into the fictitious semi-autobiographical novella I've had pinging around in my dome for a while, but I think it'll help me nonetheless.

These being listed, I'll note that I was reading a blog today where a woman was talking about her battle with post-partum depression and she said that her doctor told her that her goal should be to be the best mommy possible to her son, the best wife to her husband, and the best her that she could be.  So, I'm making it my goal to spend more "me" time doing the things I love in an attempt to not lose myself as I continue this VERY quick transition from college girl to working girl to wife to mother.  I'll admit that it's been a little overwhelming and with our anniversary on the horizon, I have to acknowledge that it's been a hell of a married year and a "together" two years.  There were some instances where I wasn't sure how I was going to make it, some where I wasn't sure that this bothered me, and others where I was just too numb to realize.  Now, while still learning about myself and growing as an individual daily, I'm going to be the best mommy (and step mommy) that I can to the kiddos, the best wifey I can to Nate, and the best "me" that I can figure out to be.