What I've Learned From My Mommy

There's a dichotomy in parenting where one is the "good guy" and the other is, ultimately, the "bad guy".  Sad as it is, parents sometimes have to fall into these roles in order for the child to have balance - though this is not to say that these roles are concrete and/or that they don't adapt to the circumstances or times. 

Unfortunately for my mom, she fit the "bad guy" role too well and was more often than not, stuck here.  Classifying this, I am in NO ways saying that she was a bad mother, that she was mean, or that I didn't like her (any more than a child doesn't like a parent when they don't get their way).  My mother was strict but it didn't take me long to realize that, looking at the parents of my friends especially, I would rather my mother be slightly overbearing and love me too much than to not love me enough to be involved in my day-to-day life.  I would rather have too many rules and a little less fun than no rules and have gone through some of the things that my friends did.

Now that I'm a (step)mother myself, I find myself cringing at some of the "Mommyisms" that I swore I would never say, and bargaining with myself that some are actually justified as long as I don't do other "taboo" things instead.  I love my mother and while I don't want to be her, she has taught me a lot of good lessons for how to appropriately Mommy:

• When you say "no" it doesn't mean "I don't love you" - Sometimes it's no fun to tell you kid "no" because it means that you don't get to partake in a fun time yourself, but other times, "no" is said to teach children about safety and intelligent decisions.  Never be afraid to tell your child "no".
• Sometimes "because I said so is a valid answer" - While this was one of my least favorite responses to a question as a child, and I am a strong advocator of explaining the reasoning behind a decision once a child can understand cause and effect, there are some times, especially after the 27th "But why?" that "because I said so" just seems to be the answer to your sanity.
• Cleaning before vacation really does make it more fun to come home - Is it a pain to wash, dry, fold, and pack laundry, make sure to remove perishables from the refrigerator, and quadruple check your packing list?  Yes!  When you're doing this on a time crunch, do you really want to add cleaning the house to the to-do list before you get to relax?  Not likely.  But I've learned that when you come back and you have 16 loads of laundry, whiny children, and no groceries, walking on fresh carpets, relieving yourself in a ring-free toilet, and slipping into crisp/fresh-smelling sheets really does equate to "Ahhh, I'm home!"
• Being a parent doesn't mean that you can't make mistakes - Parents are human too, believe it or not, and this is a learning curve.  Every child is different, therefore parenting techniques will have to adapt on a daily basis... and this means trial and error (emphasis on the cliched combination of the words).  On the flipside, making mistakes doesn't make you a bad parent, either!
• Money doesn't equate to happiness - Sometimes the greatest "feast" you can have is a grilled cheese sandwich with a glass of strawgrapeberry KoolAid.  Spending the day watching Fern Gully while camping out on blanket-pallets on the living room floor beats the heck out of going to the movie theater.  And as much as chores and errands stink, its actually pleasurable when you make up stories and get them done together.
• Kisses do make it all better - Maybe the scratch still stings, maybe the bump hasn't gone away, maybe the cut still bleeds a little, but the love that is transferred during that one simple act lasts longer than any injury possibly could.  Each kiss is a reminder that a parent's love is never ending.  No matter what you do, no matter where you go, no matter if you don't want anything to do with them, they still love you, and that love will always be there waiting on you whenever you need it.

I know that my relationship with the girls is unusual since they have regular contact with their mother as well; I'm sure that mommying a little boy is soooo different than mommying a daughter; and I have no illusions that there are going to come days (read teenage years) when my children and I just aren't going to like each other.  But my mom has taught me that it's possible to get through the tough years knowing that the love is always there, and that despite the fights, there will be a day when we can go back to being inseparable.